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sitka lighthouse

Still alive, thoughts bouncing wildly around

Posted on 2011.03.10 at 16:46
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Just when I thought I was doing better, I get a slap in the face. I felt like I was moving on, getting over it, looking forward to new things. Monday I received a certified mail letter. In it, a letter for each family member. Our family doctor has dumped us. Why? She is married to my ex boss.

I'm coming up for air more quickly than before though, so that has to be good, right? I spoke to a lawyer friend who gave me some good ideas for documentation in requesting a copy of my employee file. My old supervisor, V (who is also a dear friend), claims I don't have one since I never received a write-up (that was the only time they would make one according to her, so even if I had had one it would have been empty). I may request it anyway. It might give me an idea if they've gone back in time to document lies. I do have grounds for a slander lawsuit but after careful consideration I don't think I want to go there. I aimed from the start to be the bigger person in this and take the highroad--they have nothing on me. I have one year from the time of my termination to request this file, so still plenty of time to consider. It may be helpful to know what their side of the story is if I ever decide to go back into the medical field though I can't see that happening; I've lost my moxie for it. V really wants me to push the slander lawsuit but in the same breath understands that that is more her don't-mess-with-me personality than what is necessarily the right thing. Besides, what would I want out of that? An apology plus lawyer's fees? I love her, just the same--she has been a great ear and sounding board as I've walked this horrible path.

Spring is around the corner! I so look forward to it, almost more than I can remember in years past. Perhaps it is the blooming, the promise of new life coming from deadness and the hope that comes with that. In some ways the cold, dark winter days of winter 2010/11 has mirrored where I feel my life has gone this year. I can see a sliver of light at the end of my dark tunnel and the hope within me grows. Spring!

We are also knee deep in birthday season. My 36th was last week, Sadie's 9th was Saturday, Tuesday was KikiLu's 18th, and my aunt Patti's was yesterday. Elsa's 5th is next, on April 2nd.

This years' March birthday madness has been shadowed by the passing of a loved one. My Aunt Becky passed away on Friday night from a Lupus-related heart attack. I am thankful that she is in Heaven and no longer suffering in this life, but sad that my two youngest girls won't get to meet her this summer.

At the end of June, I will travel to Washington with Joshua, Sadie & Elsa. My Mom gave me this amazing gift at my darkest hour of depression, and I am so grateful. I still desperately want to leave Missouri, but knowing I can look forward to seeing my family (Parents! Grandparents! Sibling! Cousins? Nephews, Nieces! BIL, SIL! My Angie!) helps as I wait. I haven't been west since July of 2003. I do need to get my rear in gear and get my passport card so that we can visit Victoria, BC on a day trip (a favorite tradition).

I was recently evaluated in regards to my disability for state insurance. I thought it was to see what my condition was, but no. I got shrunk! There was a couch and everything. LOL. I am pleased to report that I am perfectly sane, though I suffer mildly from PTSD. The only remaining question is how much is related to my buggy accident injuries and continuing physical trials and how much is being royally screwed over by someone who I thought was a friend? Who knows. I'm getting closer to being able to say who cares. That's a good thing.

My kids are on Spring Break this week, and may I just say that yet again it has come much too early in the year! After clouds, cold, & rain all week--even some flurries last night--the sun has finally come out this afternoon. Tomorrow's forecast even looks Spring-like, and it's about time! I am enjoying having my big girl home from college this week. Shelby wanted to come home to work and make an extra dollar or two which works well for me. She's taken some of the family business pressure off of me which allows more of me for the younger three.

I do need to get back into exercising 5 times per week. My knee(s) and right shoulder are giving me grief this week though so I'm trying to take it a bit easier to help this. I need to get into the doctor but have been avoiding this in hopes it'll go away--past experience says it won't though. I am probably avoiding the unavoidable. Ah well.

Kids are happily yelling and making merry outside right now, and my poor little raspberry chocolate bonbon is unhappy to not be free to join them. We can no longer trust Sassy, our chocolate lab puppy, to stay within the confines of our yard. The melty temps and lack of ice/snow is creating a perfectly tempting brew of smells that demand exploration, so we must keep her tied up at all times. Extra walks make up for that, however!

I am off to exercise now as my sanity demands endorphins.



babycatcher33 at 2011-03-10 22:50 (UTC) (Link)
A chocolate lab puppy!? That's what we're hoping to get eventually. We loved our black lab and he lived a good life - someday we'll get a chocolate lab :-)
strawberrymama at 2011-03-11 03:29 (UTC) (Link)
Both Caleb and I grew up with dumb yet adorably loveable dogs, so witnessing how smart Sassy is as we train her is quite the treat! The whole family just loves our lil Miss Sarsaparilla :o).
little ۶ S P A R R O W
foundmysong at 2011-03-11 03:49 (UTC) (Link)
I can't even fathom most of this. Your family doctor is lame right now.

Happy late birthday, I'm so sorry I missed it.

Becky's passing hit me harder than I thought it would :(

<3 Much love <3
strawberrymama at 2011-03-11 04:36 (UTC) (Link)
Those letters really surprised me, four-plus months afterwards. If you missed my last post, you'll get the dark and depressed writings of what happens when a "friend" fires you. Yes I agree, she's lame. What worries me is that this probably means he's really paranoid about me and has probably convinced her I'm crazy. Add to this, he carries a gun on him all the time. Yep, I'm feeling very safe :(.

Thank you for the happy bday, no matter if it's late! I know Feb was hard on you and you're now looking forward to your TRIP!! I can't wait for pics!

I am happy for Becky that she won't suffer anymore--but I admit it's been a weird world this week, knowing she's gone. I think the hardest for me is knowing I won't be there for her memorial. The family gathering is the best part--all the memory sharing, quiet togetherness moments, etc. I really wish I could be there. I haven't been able to call John either, so I'm feeling like a bad cousin.

Love you too, Sasha :o).

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